Somatically Informed Couples Therapy

When talking it through isn’t enough

You’ve probably had the same argument more than once. You both know what you want to say, and you may even know what the other person is going to say, yet it still ends in a fight, a shutdown, or a cold silence that lasts for days.

Often that isn’t because you don’t care or aren’t communicating well enough. In the heat of conflict, our nervous systems can take over. Hearts race, jaws tighten, and one person pushes harder while the other pulls away. When that happens, even the best communication tips are hard to use.

What "somatically informed" means

Somatic means “of the body.” In sessions, I pay attention to more than your words. We notice things like tension, breath, posture, and the urge to leave or to push, and we use that information to understand what’s happening between you.

In practice, this might look like:

Noticing early signals that you’re getting overwhelmed, before the argument escalates
Learning ways to settle your body so you can stay in the conversation
Slowing the pace so each person can actually be heard, not just wait for a turn
Understanding your cycle, such as one partner pursuing and the other withdrawing, and how each of you is trying to protect yourself
Trying small, concrete experiments in session, like sharing something vulnerable while staying grounded, and noticing how it lands

Our approach also draws on attachment theory, which looks at how our early relationships shape the way we seek closeness, handle conflict, and respond to feeling unsafe.

When one or both partners have trauma

Unresolved trauma often shows up in relationships. A partner’s tone or a look can set off a reaction that seems out of proportion to the moment. I have specific training in trauma, including EMDR and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, and I understand how these experiences affect closeness and trust.

Depending on your situation, couples work may be the right place to start, or individual sessions alongside couples sessions may be helpful. I’ll talk with you honestly about what seems most useful, and we do not provide individual and couples therapy to the same people.

What to expect

1. A consultation call. We’ll talk briefly about what’s bringing you in and whether I seem like a good fit for both of you.

2. Assessment sessions. The first few sessions involve meeting together and, in most cases, individually, so I can understand your history, your goals, and how each of you sees things. These meetings also let me make sure couples therapy is a safe and appropriate fit.

3. Working on the patterns. We map your cycle, build skills for staying regulated, and practice new ways of connecting, both in sessions and between them.

4. Strengthening and moving forward. We focus on carrying changes into everyday life and preparing you to handle future stress together.

Sessions are 60 minutes. Many couples meet weekly at first, then space sessions out as things improve.

Who this can help

Couples come to us for many reasons, including:

Repeating arguments that never seem to get resolved
Feeling distant, disconnected, or like roommates
Communication that breaks down quickly under stress
Trauma or past experiences that affect trust, intimacy, or feeling safe with each other
Rebuilding after a breach of trust, such as infidelity [only include if you work with this]
Major life changes, such as becoming parents, a move, illness, or loss
Intimacy and physical closeness concerns [only include if appropriate to your training]
Deciding what’s next, including couples who are unsure about the relationship

I welcome couples of all genders, orientations, and relationship structures.